That's my opinion, and it's very true.
Number 31, January - April 2005 ••••••• ©Don Harthcock, Editor
That's my opinion, and it's very true.
Number 31, January - April 2005 ••••••• ©Don Harthcock, Editor
OpinionSoup may contain language and topics unsuitable for children.
 "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster."~Dr. Isaac Asimov |
IN
THIS ISSUE: GOODBYE
TO GREATS, 2004
- Personal from Donny TEN
YEARS WITH OSCAR
- An industry congratulates itself POPE
DECRIES HUMANISM
- And all Free Thinkers NOW
READ THIS
- Stories from the real world NUTRITION
TIPS FOR BETTER
LIVING -
From UC Berkeley and OpinionSoup IS
THAT A WMD I SEE?
- No, Mr. President, that's a camel
turd. I
KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST
NOVEMBER
- You might as well tell the truth, now. FUNNY
STUFF -
in my InBox HOT
STUFF -
in my InBox. Warning: this letter is Extremely
Inflammatory and is almost guaranteed to Piss You
Off, for one reason or another. LEW
DEWITT -
We love Virginia! |
back to OpinionSoup homepage | contact us
The Food and Drug Administration has not evaluated any of the statements made in this publication, nor is that likely ever to happen. This publication is not meant to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Since this publication is not intended to be diagnostic or prescriptive, the authors assume no responsibility for any adverse reactions resulting from the use of any information contained in it.
Goodbye to these Great Ones
Personal from Donny
We are born, we live our lives, and we die. Every birth is a trip down an unknown highway, every life is unique, and every death is a trip down an unknown highway. 2004 saw the passing of many of our most favorites - some were older than you or I, and some of them were younger; some we loved, and some we loved to hate.
I made two New Year's Resolutions that I plan to keep: I'm going to be good to everybody, and I'm going to clean my house. I've already started being good, and I've got one room done, so far. If I should die before next year, just remember the "being good" part.
ALAN KING, 76 - Comedian, Actor (Casino). Definitive "borscht circuit" comedian, from the days of stand-up in the Catskills. Early on, a boxer. Late in life, a philanthropist.
ALISTAIRE COOKE, 95 - Critic, Historian, Narrator, Writer, Broadcaster (Masterpiece Theatre, Letter From America). You will often hear people say of him "a real gentleman," but you seldom hear "a real American," which he most certainly was, though born in Britain.
ANNA LEE, 91 - Actor - from How Green Was My Valley to General Hospital - a career spanning seventy years.
ANN MILLER, 81 - Dancer, Actor - On the Town, Kiss Me Kate, Easter Parade, Sugar Babies
ARTHUR HAILEY, 84 - Writer - Hotel, Airport, The Evening News - known to critics as a "formula writer," his novels were nonetheless very popular with the public (and often spoofed - the source of Leslie Nielsen's comedy career).
ARTIE SHAW, 94 - Jazz Musician, Bandleader, one of the Kings of Swingtime Big Band Jazz - Clarinet Player - Married Ava Gardner - His band recorded Cole Porter's Begin the Beguine - it was intended to be the "B" side of the record. Instead, it became a huge hit, topping the charts for six weeks in 1938 and making Shaw famous at age 28. Other hits (some with his big band and some with his quartet, the Gramercy Five): Frenesi, Dancing in the Dark, Accent-tchu-ate the Positive, Moonglow, Stardust.
ART JAMES, 74 - Announcer, Game-Show Host: Blank Check, Catch Phrase, Concentration (substitute)
BOB KEESHAN, 76 - Captain Kangaroo for thirty years, Clarabelle the Clown (on Howdy Doody) for five. It was not well-known that Keeshan was politically active, a strong advocate for children and television programming for children. In these endeavors he was joined by his friend Fred Rogers. When thinking of Bob Keeshan, if one knew him, the words "genuine" and "real" always come to mind. This was a very private man living a very public life.
CHRISTOPHER REEVE, 52 - Actor
CY COLEMAN, 75 - Composer
ESTEE LAUDER, 97 - Cosmetics Tycoon
FAY WRAY, 96 - Actor
FRANCESCO SCAVULLO, 81 - Photographer
GEOFFREY BEENE, 77 - Clothing Designer
GORDON COOPER, 77 - Astronaut
HOWARD KEEL, 85 -Singer, Actor
ISABEL SANFORD, 86 - Actor
JACK PAAR, 85 - Talk-Show Host
JAN BERRY, 62 - Singer (Jan and Dean)
JANET LEIGH, 77 - Actor
JERRY ORBACH, 69 - Actor, Singer
J. J. JACKSON, 62 - MTV VJ
JOE VITERELLI, 66 - Actor
JOHN DREW BARRYMORE, 72 - Actor
JOHNNY RAMONE, 55 - Musician
JULIA CHILD, 91 - Chef, Writer, TV Personality
JUNE TAYLOR, ? - Choreographer
KIRK FORDICE, 70 - Former Governor of Mississippi
MARGE SCHOTT, 75 - Cincinnati Reds Owner
MARLON BRANDO, 80 - Actor
MERCEDES MCCAMBRIDGE, 87 - Actor
NOBLE WILLINGHAM, 72 - Actor
PAUL WINFIELD, 62 - Actor
SIR PETER USTINOV, 82 - Actor, Writer, Comic
PIERRE SALINGER, 79 - Journalist, Presidential Press Secretary
RAY CHARLES, 73 - Singer
RICK JAMES, 56 - Funk Performer
ROBERT MERRILL, 85 - Metropolitan Opera Baritone
RODNEY DANGERFIELD, 82 - Comic Actor
RONALD REAGAN, 93 - Actor, Politician, United States President
SKEETER DAVIS, 72 - Singer
SPALDING GRAY, 62 - Writer, Actor
SUSAN SONTAG, 71 - Writer, Activist, Intellectual, Author
TERRY MELCHER, 62 - Producer/Songwriter
TONY RANDALL, 84 - Actor
UTA HAGEN, 84 - Actor, Teacher
VAUGHN MEADER, 68 - Comic/Impressionist of JFK
YASSER ARAFAT, 75 - Politician (PLO)back to index
The Oscar Game
THE WINNERS: Best
Picture, Best Actors (M, F), Best Director, Best Screenplays
(Original, Adapted) WHAT REALLY WAS BEST
(of the films that were nominated): Dr Donny's OpinionSoup
Opinion Million
Dollar Baby Million
Dollar Baby Lord of
the Rings, The Return of the King Lord of
the Rings, The Return of the King Chicago The
Pianist A
Beautiful Mind Gosford
Park Gladiator Chocolát American
Beauty The
Cider House Rules Shakespeare
In Love Saving
Private Ryan Titanic Good
Will Hunting The
English Patient The
English Patient Braveheart Il
Postino
Jamie Foxx, Ray
Hilary Swank, MDB
Clint Eastwood, MDB
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Sideways
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Aviator
Hilary Swank, MDB
Clint Eastwood, MDB
The Aviator
The Motorcycle Diaries
Sean Penn, Mystic River
Charlize Theron, Monster
Peter Jackson, LOTR The Return of the King
Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, LOTR
ROTK
Sean Penn, Mystic River
Diane Keaton, Something's Gotta Give
Peter Jackson, LOTR The Return of the King
Sofia Coppola, Lost in Translation
Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson, LOTR
ROTK
Adrien Brody, The Pianist
Nicole Kidman, The Hours
Roman Planski, The Pianist
Pedro Almodovar, Talk To Her
Ronald Harwood, The Pianist
Jack Nicholson, About Schmidt
Salma Hayek, Frida
Roman Polanski, The Pianist
Carlos & Alfonso Cuarón, Y Tu Mamá
También
Ronald Harwood, The Pianist
Denzell Washington, Training Day
Halle Berry, Monster's Ball
Ron Howard, A Beautiful Mind
Julian Fellowes, Gosford Park
Akiva Goldsman, A Beautiful Mind
Sean Penn, I Am Sam
Renée Zellweger, Bridget Jones' Diary
Robert Altman, Gosford Park
Julian Fellowes, Gosford Park
Akiva Goldsman, A Beautiful Mind
Russell Crowe, Gladiator
Julia Roberts, Erin Brockovich
Steven Soderbergh, Traffic
Cameron Crowe, Almost Famous
Stephen Gaghan, Traffic
Geoffrey Rush, Quills
Juliette Binoche, Chocolát
Stephen Daldry, Billy Elliot
Lee Hall, Billy Elliot
Robert Nelson Jacobs, Chocolát
Kevin Spacey, American Beauty
Hilary Swank, Boys Don't Cry
Sam Mendes, American Beauty
Alan Ball, American Beauty
John Irving, The Cider House Rules
Sean Penn, Sweet and Lowdown
Meryl Streep, Music of the Heart
Lasse Hallstrom, The Cider House Rules
Alan Ball, American Beauty
John Irving, The Cider House Rules
Roberto Benigni, Life Is Beautiful
Gwyneth Paltrow, Shakespeare In Love
Steven Spielberg, Saving Private Ryan
Marc Norman & Tom Stoppard, Shakespeare In
Love
Bill Condon, Gods and Monsters
Roberto Benigni, Life Is Beautiful
Gwyneth Paltrow, Shakespeare In Love
Steven Spielberg, Saving Private Ryan
Robert Rodat, Saving Private Ryan
Terence Malick, The Thin Red Line
Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets
Helen Hunt, As Good As It Gets
James Cameron, Titanic
Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting
Brian Helgeland & Curtis Hanson, L. A.
Confidential
Robert Duvall, The Apostle
Helen Hunt, As Good As It Gets
James Cameron, Titanic
Ben Affleck & Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting
Paul Attanasio, Donnie Brasco
Geoffrey Rush, Shine
Frances McDormand, Fargo
Anthony Minghella, The English Patient
Ethan & Joel Coen, Fargo
Billy Bob Thornton, Sling Blade
Billy Bob Thornton, Sling Blade
Frances McDormand, Fargo
Anthony Minghella, The English Patient
Ethan & Joel Coen, Fargo
Billy Bob Thornton, Sling Blade
Nicholas Cage, Leaving Las Vegas
Susan Sarandon, Dead Man Walking
Mel Gibson, Braveheart
Christopher McQuarrie, The Usual Suspects
Emma Thompson, Sense and Sensibility
Anthony Hopkins, Nixon
Susan Sarandon, Dead Man Walking
Michael Radford, Il Postino
Christopher McQuarrie, The Usual Suspects
A. Pavignano, M. Radford, F. & G. Scarpelli, M.
Troisi, Il Postino
POPE BENNY DECLARES WAR ON RRCANNA
- followed by a rousing round of the "I Was Not A Nazi" Polka
As such, he does not view the search for moral truth as a dialectic and incremental process, arguing that essential matters of faith and morals must be determined at the universal level: "the universal church ... takes precedence, ontologically and temporally, over the individual local churches." He is often seen as a key player in the centralization of the hierarchy under John Paul II, and is expected by Cardinal Walter Kasper among others to "attempt to restore Roman centralism".
Benedict XVI has taken positions similar to his predecessor, John Paul II, and has been a staunch defender of existing Catholic doctrine. He has made it clear that he intends to maintain traditions, and not give in to modern pressures to change fundamental Church dogma and teaching on such issues as birth control, abortion, and same-sex marriage. Benedict maintains the Church's opposition to moral relativism, which he sees as producing views ranging "from one extreme to the other: from Marxism to liberalism, even to libertinism; from collectivism to radical individualism; from atheism to a vague religious mysticism; from agnosticism to syncretism, and so forth."
Benedict's ecclesiology places much emphasis on the institutions of the Catholic Church as the instrument by which God's message manifests itself on Earth: a view of the Church's role which tends to resist pressure to submit to external social trends.
In a pre-conclave mass in St. Peter's Basilica, he warned, "We are moving toward a dictatorship of relativism which does not recognize anything as definitive and has as its highest value one's own ego and one's own desires."
Benedict has strongly opposed liberation theology but at the same time been a strong supporter of charismatic Catholicism, and some of his theological work has been devoted to stating the difference between the two. Furthermore, he has spoken positively about the Vatican II council and has shown no evidence that he intends to reverse or limit the decisions of that council, although he has reminded the faithful in books or in interviews that previous councils are not dead nor does Vatican II trump the other councils but that they all represent one, continuous, unbroken tradition going back to the time of the Apostles something that Vatican II defenders often fail to realize. Benedict has also spoken out against post-conciliar innovations, especially liturgical novelties, and continues to remind the faithful that the Council did not entirely do away with the former rite and many of its noble features.
Benedict is a theologian in a modern orthodox vein. His theology aims at a synthesis of Thomism, philosophical personalism (with such proponents as Martin Buber, John Paul II - in his case, however, tempered by phenomenology, and, more recently, Leon Kass) and the 'nouvelle théologie' of Henri de Lubac and Hans Urs von Balthasar. This is a sharp contrast with the school of thought, until recently ascendent in the theological academy of Europe and the United States, represented by Karl Rahner, Hans Küng, and Edward Schillebeeckx.
At one of the first masses of his pontificate he urged Catholics to show a greater devotion to the "Eucharistic Jesus."
~reprinted from wikipedia.org
In other words (my words), anything that this Pope views as in any way challenging the absolute authority of the priesthood, must be quashed and/or squashed. How very Fascist. How very anti-individual and anti-life. How very Right-Wing, paranoid and fearful of bad guys under the bed threatening this bloated cash cow that is the Roman Church.
When I notified a friend of mine recently of my intention to reprint this article and then do a rave-up on it, he challenged me with this logical and well thought-out argument: "Wasn't Ratzinger just a boy when he was a Nazi? A 16-year-old boy doing what he had to do, being a conscript when his country was at war?"
"Yes, that's certainly so," was my reply. "And I don't fault him for any of that. Where I find fault is with his acceptance of the Papacy. This is a man of personal ambition, a sinful hypocrite idolizing his own ideas. And I fault the Cardinals for electing him...a former Hitler Youth and Head of the Inquisition, for Heaven's sake. OF COURSE he opposes Liberation Theology and all Western ideas. OF COURSE he equates Buddhism with masturbation and homosexuality, which he despises, except when his priests and bishops are caught with altar boys."
The Rock & Roll Church of All Nations takes this position: Pope Benedict XVI urges a return to the former intractability of the Inquisition, and the former complicity with murdering, tyranical governments, in order to preserve its own power and wealth. This is still the same Catholic Church that instructed Cortes to murder the Aztecs and turn Mezo-America into a cattle ranch. Nothing has changed except the language and the propaganda.
Like what? Like Jews, Fags, Gypsies, and - what the hell - Europe.
Stories and Reports We Recommend You Read- MORE LEFT-WING COMMIE PINKO FAG LINKS:
Report Card: Pesticides In Produce
Many times in the recent past you've all read my scathing attacks and condemnation of Fast Food joints, particularly McDonald's. So what's good? Slow Food, of course.
Slow Food
Slow Food USAFrom Tracy:
Wild Horses Slaughtered
War Games and War Names
The Return of the Swift Boat Vetsback to index
From U.C. Berkeley Wellness Letter
- Edited by Don Coyote
In the new UC Berkeley Wellness Letter are the following tidbits of old information, made new again simply by restating them for the younger set.
1. Nuts can help prevent heart disease. Eat small amounts, unsalted. Walnuts are best.
2. Margarine IS NOT better for you than butter. In fact, butter is fine if you don't go wild with it.
3. High intake of salt does NOT NECESSARILY lead to high blood pressure - that depends on your individual genetic makeup. Lots of salt is much more likely to lead to reduced bone density, especially for women.
4. It is not CERTAIN, but very near certain, that Soy helps lower cholesterol and prevent cancer; also helps lower the risk of heart disease. Dr Donny recommends tofu; it's yummy.
5. Very moderate consumption of alcoholic beverages can be heart-healthy.
6. Corn is a "whole grain," and it's very good for your eyes.
7. The entire Allium family, including Garlic, Onions and Leeks, is good for your heart and helpful in preventing tumors. All lose much effectiveness when cooked, and much-touted garlic supplements are iffy at best.
8. If you don't already have high cholesterol or diabetes or heart problems, there's no problem with you eating eggs...four or five a week is OK.
9. Cooked tomato products are loaded with lycopene, one of the best known preventatives of prostate cancer.
10. Shrimp does have more cholesterol than most other shellfish, but cholesterol from shrimp is not as much of a problem as cholesterol from many other foods.
11. In addition to Good Old Vitamin C, oranges and other citrus fruits also contain many phytochemicals that help protect you from cancer and stroke.
12. Coffee does NOT cause heart disease or cancer or stomach ulcers.
13. Yogurt will help you through the diarrhea caused by antibiotics, and it will cure yeast infections if it contains live cultures of L. acidophili.
14. All teas except herb teas contain phytochemicals that help you resist cancers. Tea is full of antioxidants; it helps protect your arteries from placque; it DOES NOT promote bone loss.
15. Chocolate is also loaded with helpful phytochemicals. From Dr Donny's personal archive: chocolate will cure a headache. The Aztecs thought it was Divine, and they should know.
16. Deeply colored fruits and veggies (cherries, blueberries, beets, peppers) have more vitamins and minerals, and their pigments help protect you from cancer.
back to index
By Matt Taibbi, New York Press
The world little noted, but at some point late last year the American search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq ended. We will, however, long remember the doomsday warnings from the Bush administration about mushroom clouds and sinister aluminum tubes; the breathless reports from TV correspondents when the invasion began, speculating on when the "smoking gun" would be unearthed; our own failures to deconstruct all the spin and faulty intelligence. ~New York Times editorial, Jan. 13
"Well, I can't see a doggone thing, fellas." Among the rest of the population, this laughably tiny news item...I'm writing this column on Jan. 13, but by the time this hits the newsstands on the 18th, it will surely, and amazingly, have been a dead story for days...was mainly fodder for two minutes of office water-cooler gloating among the anti-Bush crowd.
Was the end of the WMD hunt actually 'little noted' or was it simply 'little covered'?
It is unrealistic to expect anything different. In the run-up to the war, every major daily and television network in the country parroted the White House's asinine WMD claims for months on end, all but throwing their panties on stage the instant Colin Powell showed what appeared to be a grainy aerial picture of a pick-up truck to the U.N. Security Council.
Justice would seem to demand that a roughly equivalent amount of coverage be given to the truth, now that we know it (and we can officially call it the truth now, because even Bush admits it; previously the truth was just a gigantic, unendorsed pile of plainly obvious evidence). But that isn't the way things work in America. We only cover things around the clock every day for four or five straight months when it's fun.
O.J. was fun. Monica Lewinsky was fun. "America's New War" was fun; there was a war at the end of that rainbow. But "We All Totally Fucked Up" is not fun. You can't make a whole new set of TV graphics for "We All Totally Fucked Up." There is no obvious location where Wolf Blitzer can do a somber, grimacing "We All Totally Fucked Up" live shot (above an "Operation We All Totally Fucked Up" bug in the corner of the screen). Hundreds of reporters cannot rush to stores to buy special khakis or rain slickers or Kevlar vests in preparation for "We All Totally Fucked Up." They would have to wear their own clothes and stand, not in front of burning tanks or smashed Indonesian hovels, but in front of their own apartments.
That is why we will never get four months of the truth, to match four months of preposterous bullshit. The business is not designed for it. It just can't happen.
Most Americans instinctively understand this and accept it. Even those people who are consciously offended by this set of circumstances accept it. It is as natural to us as the weather.
However, there are times when this phenomenon seems to go a little too far. This is one of those times.
Countless news organizations last week took the same pathetic, transparently disingenuous position vis-a-vis the WMD flap that The New York Times did in the above passage. The basic media lie...the new lie, not the old lie...was a two-pronged thing. It went something like this:
First, Bush admitted there were no WMDs, but so few people cared that it was "little noted" around the world. Phrases such as "quiet conclusion" (CBS News) or "quietly ended" (USA Today) or "quiet denouement" (the Virginia Pilot) reinforced this idea that the story was somehow inherently quiet and of small import.
Descriptions of the story's small stature were usually followed by a similarly quiet mea culpa. They usually read something like this: Now that we know the truth for sure, we media organizations must try to unravel how it "could have happened"...how we failed to see through it all, or "deconstruct all the faulty spin and intelligence," as the Times put it.
Regarding the first point, what could be funnier than the sight of The New York Times calling a story "little noted," when the paper itself only gave the story 3.5 inches on Page A16! Like almost all the rest of the papers in the country, what the Times meant was not "little noted," but little covered. Amazingly, only two major dailies in the entire country...The Washington Post and the Dallas Morning News...even put the official end to the WMD search on the front page. The rest of the country's news organs buried the story deep in the bowels of their news sections, far behind Prince Harry's Nazi suit and the residual tsunami stuff. And then they have the balls to turn around and say this news was "quiet"?
As for the second question...how it could have happened...I have an answer. It is an answer that will not require the convening of a special symposium at the Columbia Journalism School, the commission of a new study by the Brookings Institution, or a poll by Poynter. The answer is this: You lied!
It's really as simple as that. Everyone knew it was bullshit. I defy Bill Keller to stare me in the face and tell me he didn't know the whole Iraq war business was a lie from the start. Whether or not there were actually WMDs in Iraq is a canard; this was essentially unknowable at the time. It was the rest of it that was obviously idiotic, yet even the pointiest heads in the business, like the folks at the Times, swallowed it with a smile.
There was the idea that Saddam Hussein, a secular dictator whose chief domestic enemies were Islamic fundamentalists, was somehow a natural potential ally for bin Laden. There was the supposition, credulously reported for months, that if Saddam "disarmed," we would back off (we were going in anyway, everyone could see that; all of the "inspections" coverage, that whole drama, was a pathetic fraud). There was the idea that Bush and Co. were sincerely moved to grave concern by "intelligence" about Saddam's weapons (on the contrary, there was a veritable mountain of evidence that the Bush administration was turning over every couch pillow in Washington in search of even the flimsiest fig leaf to stick on its WMD claims; the source of the WMD panic was clearly the White House, not Langley or any other place). There was the idea that a pre-emptive invasion was not a revolutionary idea, not illegal, not an outrage. And so on.
The problem wasn't a small, isolated ethical error, like Judith Miller's Chalabi reporting. The error here was not a mistake of fact. The problem was that a central tenet of our system of news reporting dictates that lies of consensus will never be considered punishable mistakes. In other words, once everyone jumps in the water, a story acquires its own legitimacy.
And now we get papers like the Times wondering aloud why they didn't feel the ground under their feet. Answer: you jumped in the water. And you knew what you were doing.
Matt Taibbi lives in New York. He covers politics for Rolling Stone and the New York Press.
Reprinted with permission of Syndication Manager, http://www.alternet.org
back to index
A Succinct Summary of the 2004 election
- From a fowarded Email...Author Unknown
The Democrats' mistake was in thinking that a disastrous war, national bankruptcy, erosion of civil liberties, corporate takeover of government, environmental destruction, squandering our economic and moral leadership in the world, and systematic lying by the administration would be of concern to the electorate.
The Republicans correctly saw that the chief concern of the electorate was to keep gay couples from having an abortion.
-------------------
- From Dr Donny's Notebook:
Rumsfeld said recently, words to the effect that the election in Iraq might not have gone perfectly, but at least they had an election; at least, they voted.
I want to know what's so great about voting? Why do we always haul this slogan out, along with a flag, if one's handy, and talk so emotionally about the right to vote, a right that fighting men and women have fought and died to protect?
Haggard Merle blubbered out the #2 All-Time Chauvinist Anthem about it, a song that makes the snot run down country music fans' noses: The Fightin' Side of Me.
#1, of course, is Lee Greenbacks' I mean Greenwood's peaen to Chauvinism, Proud To Be An American, which reportedly had George Sr. in tears for almost his entire single term in office. These Bush fellows are an emotional bunch, I'll tell you. Of course that's a better qualification for teaching the Geriatric Sunday School Class than for running the government of the United States of America.
Isn't the election of George W. Bush to two terms clear enough indication to ANYBODY that Voting is simply not all that it's cracked up to be? Americans are too dumb to vote; I've said it many times. And they're too dumb to be on juries. And we fight wars to protect both of those things, neither of which has ever worked.
I say, bring back the English and let's give this independence thing a little more thought. They've got lots to princes that will never be king; let them give us one. Of course, that entire Royal Family are actually Germans, so that's a potential problem right there.
OK, any prince or princess not in line for their throne, from a country we haven't fought any wars with. That should narrow it down.
back to index
- sent in by "BroomRider"
19 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
1. During Lunch Hour, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars; see if they slow down.
2. When you get back to the office, page yourself over the intercom; don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time somebody asks you to so something, ask them if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and lebel it "IN."
5. Put Decaf in the office coffeemaker for three weeks; once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
6. In the Memo field of all the checks you use, write "For Sexual Favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip instead of walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are; then laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry reading and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Tell your co-workers to address you from now on by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
17. When you're using the ATM...after the money pops out, start screaming "I Won! I Won!"
18. When leaving the Zoo, start running toward the parking lot yelling "Run for your lives! They're loose!"
19. Tell your children during dinner, "Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go."
back to index
FBI: Ghouls and Grave Robbing Terrorists
- from Matt Sherman, American Indian Movement (AIM)
Like something from an Edgar Allen Poe story, the FBI, touted as the world's elite police force, scavenged and picked through the rubble of the World Trade Center for memorabilia and mementos. As families and friends experienced horrific grief: as children, mothers and fathers wept for their dead, the FBI made merry in the collection of patches and other mementos from World Trade Center casualties.
In a recent report from The Congressional Inspector General it was also revealed that FBI agents did the same at the Oklahoma City Bomb site. As blood dripped from the destruction in Oklahoma City, FBI agents filled their pockets. As familles carried their dead to their respective graves FBI agents were busy profiteering from their grief.
These disgusting and obscene acts do not come as a surprise to Indian people. Our people have known of the maniacal FBI and their sadistic, macabre acts. These are the same people who massacred Indian families during the 1970's "reign of terror" in Indian country. These are the same bloodthirsty thugs who framed Leonard Peltier and manufactured evidence and fraudulent testimony to convict this courageous warrior. These are the same perverts who hacked the hands off of Anna Mae Aquash to" discover her identity" (which they already knew).
Not until this ultimate terrorist organization is dismantled will there be security in this land. We have far more to fear from the FBI than from all the other terrorist organizations combined. The FBI was born of corruption and terror and is beyond repair.
Many believe, as do I, FBI Agents blackmailed former President Clinton into denying a pardon for Leonard Peltier in the closing days of the Clinton Administration.
Congress has a mandate to investigate this out-of-control band of looters. The FBI was incompetent in preventing the infamous events of September 11, 2001, although newly-provided intelligence verifies that they had advance warning. And then they had the unmitigated gall to collect souvenirs.
Must a mushroom cloud envelop some other major American city before we fully realize the incompetence and corruption of the FBI? It's time to dismantle the FBI and free Leonard Peltier. Please contact your federal representatives and demand a full investigation of the FBI and an end to the ongoing oppression of Leonard Peltier.
Matt Sherman, American Indian Movement
send letters to editorial@nytimes.com or letters@washpost.com or Senator Chuck Grassley, 135 Hart Senate Bldg., Washington DC 20510
DISCLAIMER: OPINIONSOUP.com does not vouch for the veracity of any of these allegations, nor can we guarantee that this email was indeed sent from Matt Sherman or from any person connected with the American Indian Movement.
back to index
- while I count Flowers On The Wall, 'cause Jonnie's gone, too.
Lew was a gem, a really great guy. We were good friends, way beyond our professional relationship, and I always thought he only liked me because I would drive all the way to Virginia just to play Scrabble and shoot pool with him. Lew and wife Judy were great hosts, at their gorgeous Virginia mountain home.
I ran across a pic of my old friend Lew DeWitt today, and I wanted to write a little bit about him. He is no longer living, by the way, having died with Crohn's Disease in August, 1990.
Lew's greatest claim to fame was having written "Counting Flowers On The Wall," back when he was a member (the high tenor) of the Statler Brothers, a group who ridiculed him for missing so much work and practice, having no understanding of Crohn's and thinking Lew was goldbricking. If you're a Fan and you never heard such an outrageous thing, well, fan sites generally don't have access to this kind of information. I, on the other hand, heard it from Lew, who was my buddy. Telling the truth won't hurt anything now, since the band no longer exists and Lew is dead.
The Statlers (not their real name...it was a spur-of-the-moment naming, copped from a box of Statler Tissues) are/were a bunch of real blockheads, anyway, but they had fans.
I was Lew's publicist, and my wife Jonnie was his manager and agent. I hated country music at the time (oddly enough, I still do), but I was in Nashville working with country/gospel wannabe artists, so there you go.
Even though our main motivation in visiting them in Virginia so often was to have a secret rendezvous (Jonnie was married to someone else at the time), the whole "package" was very appealing...good friends, beautiful place, a little business and a lot of fun.
Lew was a world-class expert on cowboys. When he was a little boy he went to the "picture show" every Saturday in his hometown, just as I did in mine, to see all the cowboy heroes of the day...Roy Rogers, Gene Autrey, Lash LaRue, Hopalong Cassidy, Tom Mix...all of 'em. The movie emporium he went to was called The Strand.
Years later, when Lew had a bit of fame and money, he built a Strand of his own...right there at his house. I loved that place. Never had I seen such a collection of cowboy stuff. His "Strand" was a real cinema, with projector, screen, popcorn, all that, but also it housed Lew's complete cowboy collection. He had toy guitars, real guitars, lunchboxes, cap pistols, cowboy outfits, whips, saddles, and of course autographed pics of all of them. Even the sidekicks, like Smiley Burnette. And he KNEW them all.
Fifteen years gone, and he's as fresh in my mind as if I just saw him today.
If somebody told you about this site and you're reading this, Judy, hello and How Are You?! I still remember you perfectly well. My Jonnie left the world in 2002, and she never forgot you either, until Alzheimer's made her forget everything and everybody, including me. I still have the little "lady's pistol" Lew gave her. Love to you!
OpinionSoup is published by Don Harthcock. OS #31 © Don Harthcock, OpinionSoup.com, April, 2005. Portions of OpinionSoup may be reproduced on your site with proper credit and a link. This instruction supercedes all previous prohibitions. Taping OS to refrigerators, posting on bulletin boards & emailing to friends is waycool, highly-recommended, and much appreciated.
BACK TO TOP | BACK TO HOMEPAGE | Previous Issue | Next Issue
About Us | Archive | Impressive People | Links | Previous OpinionSoups | Subject Index | Sweepstakes
