It Could Be Anything!
Vol. 1 #1, ©August, 2000 ••••••• Don Harthcock, Editor
OpinionSoup may contain language and topics unsuitable for children.
"Don't worry, be happy!" ~Meher Baba

IN THIS ISSUE:
ALLSPICE - Columbus' first major substitution
BACH FLOWER REMEDIES - hocum, or pocum?
CHI (QI, PRANA) - It's really real
DECIDUOUS TREES - I could have won a million!
ENVIRONMENT / RECYCLING - In Yazoo City, they just don't care.
FREE RADICALS - Can Vitamin E get rid of Jane Fonda?
GUMPTION - outlawed in the U.S. Senate
HOMOPHOBIA - fear and loathing in the Magnolia State
IATROGENIC ILLNESS - What do you get in hospitals? Staph!
JOJOBA - Save The Whales!
KELP - good stuff, but oh, so yucky
LOTUS - Serve some to your family today!
Allspice (Pimenta dioica, P. officinalis) is a tall tree which

ALLSPICE (PIMENTO)
- In search of India and spices, Columbus gets desperate.

Common to South America and the Caribbean (especially Jamaica), Allspice (Pimenta dioica, P. officinalis) is a tall tree which sheds its bark annually. It was discovered by Cristóbal Colón (Christopher Columbus), who said, "Well, now I KNOW this is India!"
Soon after discovering Allspice, Chris was so pleased with himself that he went ahead and discovered the entire Caribbean, which came as a big surprise to the people who already lived there and had things pretty well worked out. Actually, the Caribs were very cooperative with the Spaniards and would have drawn them maps, if they had had any pencils. The locals were completely unafraid, thinking, "What the hell? There's only about a hundred of them."
On Columbus' second trip he brought along Johnny Ponce, an old friend from Leon, and the locals still hadn't wised up. When Ponce asked the Miami "Indians" how to get to the Fountain of Youth, though, some of them made sport.
"Just take the turnpike north to Ocala and turn right," they said, giggling, steering him the wrong way. Disney World, of course, is to the left.
Both the dried berries and the leaves of Allspice are used commercially for their aromatic properties; they contain bay oil, used in "bay rum" cologne.
Allspice's ground-up berries are used by islanders as a remedy for toothache (do not swallow; Allspice Oil contains Eugenol, which causes nausea). Dried berries provide a seasoning, used especially for baking, which has a flavor resembling a blend of Cloves, Cinnamon and Nutmeg.

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BACH FLOWER REMEDIES
- "Treat the patient, not his disease."

If you're looking for more skepticism and ridicule from friends, co-workers, relatives and doctors regarding your herbal and alternative medicine beliefs, you'll hit a home run with this one. Even Donny is not a true believer in Bach Flower Remedies, except as placebos, of which I am a huge fan. I therefore recommend Bach Flower Remedies, especially to those of you who already believe they work.

Because the basis of these remedies was intuition rather than science, the whole idea smacks of magic. Donny reminds you, however, that the power of the mind in medicine is part of the New Science (which is not new, and is actually a refinement of things that are very old). Although Bach rejected Science, you will see that Botany and Psychoneuroimmunology are both at work with these remedies. And Magick.

Dr. Edward Bach (1886-1936) was a British physician who embraced Homeopathy in his early medical career. He had been trained in bacteriology, but he became disenchanted with the medical community's drifting into the exclusive use of potent drugs in treating merely the symptoms of disease. In this, he was a visionary.

"Treat the patient and not his disease" is a saying attributed to him, and modern Naturopaths echo this refrain.

Dr. Bach became convinced that negativity and various compulsions were at work in preventing the body from healing itself. Donny wholeheartedly concurs, but where I would recommend Guided Imagery, Hypnotherapy and Visualization, Bach began tramping around the English and Welsh countryside studying the effects of wild flowers on his own negative emotions. His studies were not at all scientific; he merely sat near the plants or held his hand over them. Thusly he identified and classified a wide range of plants, which, in his view, could heal specific negative human emotions, allowing the body then to heal itself.

My nephew claims that sitting near and holding his hand over hundred-dollar bills can heal his negative emotions. Not only that, he says, but also they are miraculous for faulty transmissions and water pumps.

Parts of plants, usually flowers, are either decocted or made into Sun teas, using spring water. Then the water is strained and preserved in brandy. Small amounts of these flower essences, chosen using Bach's classifications, are then drunk mixed in some beverage or placed under the tongue, when you feel stressed. The idea is that the plant's life force is then transferred to you. There are 38 Bach Flower Remedies, plus certain combinations.

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CHI (Qi, Prana, Ki)
- It's not something you "believe in," or not.

Chi (Spirit) is a flowing vital energy, or life force. Many folks of my acquaintance say they do not "believe in" Chi. "It's a pagan idea," they say, "and it's not in the Bible."

Donny's outwardly equanimical but inwardly agitated response is, "Yes, it is." By the way, electricity, affirmative action, and the British Empire are not in the Bible, and my ancestors were pagans.

My nephew says he doesn't believe in anything Chinese, except Pork Fried Rice and firecrackers.

Dear Readers, Chi is not something you believe in or not, like reincarnation or Punxsutawney Phil. It is neither a superstition nor a religion. Chi, Prana, Spirit, or Vital Life Force, is a scientifically measurable energy.

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DECIDUOUS TREES
- Regis Philbin hates me!
photo courtesy University of Richmond

A tree or shrub that sheds its leaves at the end of the growing season is said to be Deciduous. A recent contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire didn't know that; he used up two Lifelines and then guessed…correctly. I was frothing at the mouth because I knew the answer.

I can't even get ON this program; I've been trying for months. I pass their telephone tests regularly, but they don't call me. In fact, nobody from Mississippi has ever been a contestant on this program, although many of us have passed the telephone tests. Why don't you ever call me, Regis? Some contestants, from more populous areas, have been on your show TWICE.

Speaking of Deciduousity, my son Brian, South Floridian to the bone, had never experienced winter north of Dade County, had never seen woods and swamps so full of leafless trees among the evergreens when I took him to visit his grandparents the Christmas just before he turned twelve. Alarmed at the look of the central Mississippi countryside in winter, he asked me "What happened, Dad? How did all these trees die?"

"They're Deciduous trees, son," I replied, sagely. "Someday, I will be a contestant on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire because I know that."

But, NOOOOO! Regis won't call me! Why is that, Rege? Is it because I'm from Mississippi? Is it because I'm a Methodist? I am one-eighth Native American, you know; you've never had any "Indians" on your show, either. Somebody call the White House!

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ENVIRONMENT & RECYCLING
- In Yazoo City, they couldn't care less.
Donny has been "into" recycling, for love of our planet, since I was turned on to it in Kansas City, Missouri, in 1970. Musicians and artists, the alternative lifestyle community, students from UMKC and the Art Institute and many others actively supported KC's fine recycling center and still might; I don't know. We happily recycled paper, plastic and glass, separating the glass by color. WE WERE GLAD TO DO IT, which is the point of this entry.

I have lived in many enlightened communities where recycling was strongly supported by both City Hall and local citizens. Not so in Yazoo City, Mississippi (home of Willie Morris and his dog Spot), where I now live. This generation at this time in this place, 30 years later...they couldn't possibly care less.

A fledgling recycling effort failed here, due to massive disinterest and volunteer staffing (a big mistake). Our citizens carelessly throw trash out their car windows at any time and anywhere (including directly in front of on-duty police officers). I have to clean up fast-food trash, beer and "pop" containers from my curbside and front lawn every single day. For icing on this very ugly cake, just last night someone in a late-model car slowed down in front of my house and tossed a month-old kitten into my yard. I guess I was lucky not to get the entire litter; apparently they were driving around town dropping off one here, one there.

Such callous, immature and irresponsible attitudes are the stuff of the new America, especially here in the South, where social consciousness and environmental awareness seem to be in a very Dark Age.

For more information (beyond the scope of this publication) on environmental agencies and legislation, check out a copy of Edith Stein's The Environmental Sourcebook (Lyons & Burford, New York, 1992, currently out-of-print).

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FREE RADICALS
- Enemies of The People

(1) Free Radicals were at one time the bane of J. Edgar Hoover, who was determined to put them all in jail. See also The Chicago Seven or Eight, Jerry Rubin (not Billy Rubin, a bilious creep), Simbionese Liberation Army, Patty Hearst (who ran the gamut from Kidnapped Heiress Ingenue to Converted Radical, to Free Radical, to Jailed Radical, then Backsliding Radical and finally, Recycled Republican); also related subjects Jane Fonda (Misunderstood Radical) and Ché Guevarra (Assassinated Radical).

(2) Free Radicals (none of the above) are unstable molecules which lack an electron. Seeking to steal electrons from other molecules, they attack cell walls and literally oxidize holes in these walls, causing many harmful reactions in your body.

Simply put, Free Radicals are Enemies of The People, causing breakdowns, work stoppages, wrinkles, sags, droops, and all the debilities of old age. They are the reason we get old and die.

If I could address Congress, I'd say, "World Trade? What do I care! I'm swimming in Free Radicals over here! Hey, Ted Kennedy, put down that pork chop! Hey, Trent Lott, stop combing your hair! Get to work!"

Antioxidants help protect the body from the formation of Free Radicals by providing missing electrons. See Antioxidants.

This is a Radical Newsletter, by the way, and it is entirely Free.

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GUMPTION
- Forbidden in Washington DC

"Gumption" is a Scots word of the Old South, meaning common sense, initiative, or spunk. You will seldom hear this word used by the younger generations, although they understand it when they hear it.

"Hasn't this boy got any gumption?" I asked one of my nephews the other day, regarding his teenage son.

"Not so's you'd notice it," my nephew replied, thereby indicting himself as a lousy parent.

Gumption is not taught in schools, and you won't see very much of it on TV. Rumor has it that Gumption is strictly forbidden in Washington DC, in parts of California, and throughout New York City. Here in Mississippi, Gumption has been entirely replaced by 35 casinos.

A child develops Gumption, or doesn't, from observing the behavior of adults, especially parents.

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HOMOPHOBIA - You Can't Fix Stupid
- If a gay couple adopts a child, will the child become gay?

- If a Black couple adopts a White child, will the child become Black?

We all know that "Homophobia" is fear of homosexuals and prejudice against them. Let me give you a new definition of "Homophobic": Mississippi.

On February 22, 2000, the Sovereign State of Mississippi and its ignorant, crooked, backwoods politicians, under pressure from Southern Baptist Churches, passed a law prohibiting gay couples from adopting children. Public Radio Mississippi announced that legislators defended their action by claiming "studies show that children adopted by gays are more likely to become gay."

What studies? If any such "studies" exist, Donny declares them to be in error, or intentionally fraudulent. It just won't go away…the ignorant, Fundamentalist Christian lie that people can "become" gay. That's as stupid an idea as the Baptist Church's belief that homosexuality can be "cured." Can stupidity be cured? If a Black couple adopts a White child, will the child become Black? See Faggots.

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IATROGENIC
- Your doctor may be killing you!

Here's a term you won't hear at your doctor's office. The literal meaning is "physician-produced."
An Iatrogenic Condition is any adversity resulting from medical treatment. Donny reminds you that the easiest way to get a staph infection is by being admitted to a hospital.

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JOJOBA
- Use Jojoba and Save The Whales.
photo: Gary Tremper at his California Jojoba farm

Jojoba, Simmondsia chinensis, is a dioecious shrub of the American southwest and northern Mexico, having edible seeds from which Jojoba Oil is extracted. The chinensis part of its name was a mistake resulting from a mix-up of seeds, but now, poor Jojoba is stuck with it (plants, unlike people, have no name-changing recourse). Jojoba is NOT native to China.

This clear, scentless, waxy oil can be used in cooking as a diet aid, as it passes through your digestive system virtually unused.

The seeds make an excellent fodder for your pet cows. Plant some in your pasture (Jojoba likes full sun and dry soil), unless, of course, you don't want slim, well-groomed cattle.

Jojoba Oil is highly recommended for the skin, hair and scalp.

Jojoba is the only known botanical equivalent to sperm whale oil, which has been widely used in the manufacture of candles and cosmetics, and as an industrial oil. Jojoba can perform all the functions of whale oil; for car wax, furniture polish, hair tonics, shampoos, soaps and skin creams, and as a lubricant for high-speed machinery. You can do your part for the whales by supporting the use of Jojoba.

Carla, a dear friend of ours from Oregon, "adopted" a whale named "Quixote" for Jonnie and me a few years ago. It just takes money to adopt a whale; you don't actually have to bring them into your home.

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KELP
- Breast Cancer occurs 85% less often in Japan than in the USA.
Kelp is said to reduce hypertension. It has been used in Canada, in combination with other herbs, to treat cancer. Japanese scientists have found that Kelp inhibits development of colon cancer in laboratory rats.

Am I saying that you should feed Kelp to your rats? Well, that would depend upon how you feel about your rats, I suppose.

The three main genera of Kelp are Laminaria, Macrocystis, and Nereocystis. Deep-sea treasures and natural sources of Calcium and Iodine, Laminaria agardhii and L. longicruris are nutrient-rich Sea Vegetables containing a secret blend of 22 vital Trace Minerals which help to prevent and treat cancer, including Prostate cancer. Fully a third of all the Seaweed harvested yearly in Japan is Laminaria, because it is used in Miso (eaten every day by almost every person in Japan).

Growing along rocky shores below the low water mark, Kelp attaches itself by a "holdfast." The unbranched blades grow from fifteen to thirty feet long. They are best harvested in early spring, before other sea creatures graze them too heavily. Kelp stems are typically hollow above the holdfast.

Hollow-stem Kelp (L. longicruris) is sliced and added to soups, beans or stews, but unlike Japanese kombu it cooks quickly and should be added during the last 20 minutes of cooking. Pan-fried crispy chips, dry roasted flakes, even pickled Kelp...all these are tasty and healthful.

Solid-stem Alaria (Alaria esculenta) is perfect for soups; it is also delicious raw in salads (presoaked or marinated). Alaria is very similar to Japanese wakame. See Wakame.

Mini-farmers take note: Kelp ash is a source of both Iodine and Potash.

Breast cancer occurs 85% less often in Japan than in the U.S., and Dr. Jane Teas of Harvard supposed that it was the Kelp. Subsequent laboratory tests on rats confirmed her theory. She attributes Kelp's anti-tumor activity to its Fucoidan content.

In The Lazarus Effect, by Frank Herbert and Bill Ransom (Berkley Books, New York, 1984, currently out-of-print), Kelp is sentient, but I'm pretty sure they just made that up. See Seaweed. See Miso.

CAUTION: DO NOT USE KELP IF YOU ARE BEING TREATED WITH SYNTHETIC THYROID MEDICATIONS.

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LOTUS
- Lotus Seeds can fuck up a wet dream!

How many times every month does your family beg you for some nice Lotus Root? It can get to be a real problem! I tried to fool Jonnie last week with some eggplant, but she didn't go for it.

Aquatic Nelumbo nucifera, native to South Asia and Australia, is entirely edible. The Lotus Blossom is a symbol of enlightenment for Buddhists; its image is widely used in Asian and Indian art and architecture. AND, you can eat it.

Lotus Tea is made from fresh or dried Lotus; it is popular in the Orient as an energizing tonic. Antiphlegmatic Lotus Root tea is also used for coughs.

Edible Lotus Root (rhizome, actually) is widely used in Chinese and Ayurvedic medicine for its "cooling," astringent properties. It controls diarrhea and excessive menstrual flow; it stops internal bleeding. As food, it is crunchy and slightly sweet; usually it is thinly sliced.

High in protein, Lotus seeds look like garbanzo beans and are cooked like beans. They are a digestive aid and nervine but are most often used medicinally for Kidney or Urinary Tract infections.

Chinese herbals have claimed for centuries that Lotus seeds can fuck up a wet dream; that is, they are recommended to control nocturnal emissions. Donny reminds Asian herbalists that nocturnal emissions are not a medical problem and that a young man's wet dreams are none of their damn business.

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MEADOWSWEET (Spiraea)
- The name "Aspirin" comes from "Spiraea," a plant sacred to Druids.

Filipendula ulmaria (listed in some older herbals as Spiraea ulmaria, S. latifolia) is sometimes called False Spirea (it is of the Rose Family). Some gardeners call this perennial plant Queen-of-the-Meadow, which is also a common name of Joe Pye Weed. All parts of the plant are used to make a "honey-sweet" tea, and the leaves are used as sweeteners. Dried flowers are used in potpourris and will also dye cottons yellow-green, when boiled. Leaves and stems produce a blue dye, and the roots will dye porous fabrics black.

Early American colonists used Meadowsweet as a strewing herb. F. vulgaris (Dropwort) was, in fact, the favorite strewing herb of Queen Elizabeth I. Its popularity at weddings, for strewing and for garlands, gave it another popular name, "Bridewort."

For qualities which were secret and are now lost, it was a "sacred" plant of Druids, along with Mint, Mistletoe and Vervain.

Meadowsweet Tea is analgesic, anti-inflammatory, astringent, antispasmodic, diaphoretic, diuretic, and a digestive aid. It has been used to treat arthritic pain, fever, headaches, muscle aches and Urinary Tract infections. Flower buds of all varieties of Meadowsweet contain Salicin, a botanical predecessor of Aspirin. In fact, the name "Aspirin" (originally a Trademark) comes from "Spiraea."


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Tags: Allspice, Bach Flower Remedies, CHI (Qi, Prana), Deciduous Trees, Environment, Recycling, Free Radicals, Gumption, Homophonbia, Iatrogenic Illness, Jojoba, Kelp, Lotus, Meadowsweet